The Choice to Compete

I started writing this post weeks ago, but of course I only found time to publish it tonight: 13 hours before my competition. AAAHHHHHH OKAY let's begin.

In all my years of dancing, I have never entered a solo dance competition. This comes ultimately from my fear of stepping into the whole nature of competition: the stress and exhaustion of training for it, the nerves and anxiety at the thought of someone judging your piece and evaluating it, and the fear of not doing well enough.

At the beginning of the year, I considered entering the Youth Asian Grand Prix: An international dance competition in Hong Kong open to all nationalities. Sure would be nice to say that I've competed on an international stage, right? The more I thought about it, the more I was starting to convince myself to give it a shot. HOWEVER-- there was a slight problem. The age cut-off was 23. I am 25. And that's how you know when God says no. Hahaha.

At first I didn't think too much of it, and was able to easily let it go. But all that initial convincing I had done to myself created a restless debate in me that just won't quit: should I try another competition? Or nah?

Homecoming

July 6th marks the one year anniversary of my Acts Manila "homecoming". It's been one whole year since I decided to take that leap of faith, from a career in the non-profit sector into the the performing arts field. One year since I had one of the most restless seasons of my life, because I was trying to silence something my heart has constantly been shouting: "Go back to dance."

I tweeted this on July 6, 2015, after my first day back in the studio!

One year after, and I can't help but just be so incredibly grateful at how God has faithfully seen me through this life journey. In my one year back in dance, I have:

- Been given the responsibility of handling two schools and taking over their ballet program: Acts Manila @International British Academy, and Acts Manila @Kerusso Christian Academy
- Gotten strength back to fully dance on pointes and execute steps accomplished only through muscle memory (this was an absolute struggle)
- Performed and participated in around 15 (give or take) different events: Mall shows, corporate engagements, church numbers, workshops, etc.
-Completed seminar 1 of the official training program of the Australian Conservatoire of Ballet conducted by ballerina Christine Walsh herself
- Taken part in the annual Acts Manila recital in the CCP Main Theater after 8 years
- Experienced wearing two (metaphorical) hats during the recital: The dancer hat and the teacher hat!
- Promoted to full Director, yay!
- Helped develop the Acts Manila Public Speaking and Creative Writing Program with me at the helm
- Conducted a full Personality Development Seminar for the teachers of Kerusso Christian Academy
- Braved my fear of competing by entering a local dance competition: The Philippine Dance Cup
- Taken one student under my wing to coach for the Asian Grand Prix ballet competition in Hong Kong
- Gotten my parents' full support, no questions asked <3

Getting back to the groove; it wasn't easy, but it was worth it.